There's Not Much I Can Do Now But Miss You
by eMiiLYx3
Summary: Basically a one shot full of rambling that doesn't make sense, I guess. Summer's speaking at Marissa's funeral, and Ryans at home in the pool house. Read and review. T for a bit of language.


**Well, this is my first story. I have some half written ones saved, but they're all bad, and I can't be bothered finishing them. This is just a lot of pointless rambling, about Marissa's funeral and Ryan. Half of it doesn't exactly make sense.. oh well. Review when you finish, because I'd love to hear your thoughts!**

_Black was a colour that shouldn't have to be worn at Marissa Cooper's funeral_, thought Summer as she looked in the mirror. _Coop would have wanted colour, not black._ Summer sighed and started applying make up.

It was four days after her best friend had died and the day of her funeral. She looked at a few pictures on her corkboard, one of Marissa, her and Holly that Summer had never managed to take down. Then she looked at a picture of just the two of them, it was just after Caleb Nichol had proposed to Julie Cooper, and it was the most normal things could be in Orange County. Tears started to sting Summer's eyes, but she willed herself not to cry. A voice from downstairs was heard telling Summer they were ready. She yelled back and picked up her things. Summer looked at the biggest photo on the corkboard; one with her, Seth, Ryan and Marissa. They were all happy and smiling. Marissa was looking at Ryan with a look that could only be love.

As she started to walk downstairs, more tears sprung her eyes, _what about Ryan?_

* * *

Ryan was trying to get his tie straight; and failing. It was four days after the accident, and Ryan hadn't been out of the pool house. He'd kept the blinds shut, and ignored everybody that knocked on the door. The only person that remotely knew how he was feeling was Summer. Seth didn't know; and neither did Sandy or Kirsten. He appreciated them caring, and not giving up on him, even if he didn't show it. But he'd lost the love of his life, he couldn't just get over it. Ryan's tie wouldn't straighten out and he was getting frustrated. He punched the mirror, shattering it and cutting his knuckles and went back to his bed. He stared at the ceiling until a knock on the door broke him from his train of thoughts.

"Ready to go yet, kid?" asked Sandy from the door.

Ryan sighed, "I'm not going."

Sandy had a feeling this would happen, "Why not. Marissa would have wanted you to be there; to say goodbye."

_What a movie-like cliché_, thought Ryan and he yelled, "But Marissa's dead! She won't know if I'm there or not! And I don't know why everyone's saying how good we were together or how it was so sad that I lost her, because we weren't even together when she died! Just go, I'm not coming. I don't want to say goodbye. I don't want to hear speeches about how she was perfect. And I don't want looks from _"Newport's finest"_ and having to hear them talk about me through the whole thing!"

"Okay, kid, we'll be back tonight some time," and a defeated Sandy walked off.

Ryan let a few tears fall.

* * *

The funeral was packed with Newpsies, people from Harbour and Marissa's relatives as Kirsten, Sandy and Seth pulled up. They got out of the car and walked over to Neil, Julie Kaitlin and Summer who were standing outside the place where the funeral was to be held. It had only been a year since they had been in there, saying goodbye to Caleb Nichol. Sandy hugged Julie, Kaitlyn and Summer and shook Neil's hand. Kirsten hugged all four of them, and Seth went straight to Summer to comfort her.

"Where's Ryan?" Summer asked Sandy as Seth hugged her.

"Ryan.. didn't feel up to coming, today." Explained Sandy quietly.

"Oh," said Summer, "Is he okay?"

"Yeah, he just didn't think he could handle it, today."

Summer knew the feeling. She had made a speech to say the night before, and she had broke down a few times.

Seth looked around the crowd of people he'd never sent he faces of and saw a familiar one; Luke. He was with his mother and two brothers. Seth pointed him out to Summer, and they walked over to him. Luke turned around and hugged Summer and shook Seth's hand, "Hey guys. How have you been?"

There was no simple way to explain that.

They both replied fine, but Luke could see how they really felt in their eyes.

Seth asked, "How did you find out about Marissa?"

"My mum rang me a couple of nights ago, she figured I should know. I couldn't believe it at first."

Summer looked at the ground, "Neither could we."

Luke looked around for Ryan, but couldn't see him anywhere, "Where's Ryan?"

"He didn't come today; he's having a hard time dealing with it. He was with her when it happened." Explained Seth.

"Shit, has he talked to anyone?" Asked Luke, imagine being there when it happened.

Seth replied quietly, "He hasn't been out of the pool house since it happened, and he hasn't said more than three words to anyone."

"Man, I'll go see him after the funeral."

"He probably won't talk."

Julie came over and told them it was time to go in.

* * *

At the front of the rows on one side were Julie, Jimmy, Neil, Kaitlin and Marissa's relatives, and on the other side was Sandy, Kirsten, Seth, Summer, Luke, and even Hailey was there.

It was a beautiful funeral, no one could deny it, but Summer knew that it was something Marissa wouldn't have wanted. She would have wanted things to be not-so-depressing. As she stood up to give her speech, she felt a rush of dizziness and almost fell over. It was all so real. She was at her best friends funeral. Summer remembered things from the past that made Marissa her best friend.

_The time they were both thirteen, and had just started being introduced to drugs. They were at one of Holly's first parties, and she had offered them both a joint. Marissa took one puff, hated it and stopped but Summer had a few more; until she was high. Marissa let her sleep at her house and made sure Summer's or her parent's didn't know what went on._

_Then, when they were fourteen, Summer had been dumped by her boyfriend and Marissa left Luke to come over and comfort her; they spent all night talking, even though Marissa had an English test the next morning, which she failed, and was grounded for a month by Julie._

_And when they were eight, Summer moved from L.A and had no friends. She was sitting by herself under a tree, when a group of kids came over and started teasing her, throwing things at her. Marissa came over and told them to go away before she got her friends onto them, and then asked Summer if she wanted to play with them. There began their friendship._

Summer decided not to do the speech she had written, but something else. As she got up the front, she said, "Um, I'm not going to do the speech I wrote, but something else."

Everybody started mumbling, but she started anyway, "Marissa Cooper; how could anyone describe her?"

* * *

She was beautiful. Ryan looked at a picture of Marissa and him at the beach almost a year ago. They were so happy then. He remembered the first time he saw her, she took his breath away. She wasn't just 'hot'; she was breath taking. Her smile, her eyes, her everything. Ryan rolled over so he couldn't see the photo. This was now. That was then.

* * *

"I'd go on to describe her as a perfect, flawless person, but she wasn't." Summer said into the microphone shakily.

The crowd seemed confused by what she was saying

_

* * *

She was flawed. Beautiful; but flawed, thought Ryan as he thought of Tijuana, and her drinking problem. She was far from perfect, but Ryan wouldn't have had her any other way. When he found her in the alley-way at Tijuana, he thought he had lost her. He thought he'd never have a chance to see her smile, or to kiss her, or to be with her. It scared him that that night could have been the last night he'd ever talk to her. Then when she got pulled through, he had to leave and go look after Theresa. It broke his heart knowing that Marissa would be by herself, drinking to try and get him out of her head. Ryan remembered the time Marissa had showed him a couple of scars she had. She did them all herself, designs, she called them. Then one day, she showed him a newer scar he'd never seen before. It was a love heart on her wrist. She explained to him that it represented their love, because it would never really fade._

* * *

"And I won't start with the bullshit about her flaws making her perfect, because that's what it is; it's bullshit. All of it. Flaws are God's way of telling us no matter what we do, we can never be perfect. And Marissa knew that, she didn't go out of her way to be as perfect as possible, she was just herself. That's why she was different to a lot of people in room. She would never have gotten plastic surgery to make herself look perfect when she wasn't perfect inside." Tears streamed down Summer's face and the people in the rows were angrily whispering to each other, but she kept going, "Marissa had a lot of problems and went through a lot."

* * *

Her parents, Holly and Luke, almost killing herself, Oliver, Caleb and Julie, the list went on and on. Thing's Marissa had to deal with. Ryan was there through basically all of it. Although he didn't always help, he was there. She always made it through, too. Ryan picked up the photo and raised it up, about to smash it. He put it down, not able to do it.

* * *

"But at the end of the day, she overcame it all and went on with life. She taught us a thing or two about doing that. To forgive and forget, to go on with life. She went through a lot in seventeen years, tried new things, played with fire, even though she knew she was going to get burnt." Summer didn't bother wiping away the tears, because there were more to come.

* * *

Ryan played with fire staying at the model house, coming to Newport, and loving Marissa. But he never got burnt that badly. In fact, it all turned out well. For a while. Marissa played with fire, but got burnt. She had flings with Alex, DJ and got very badly burnt while trying the bad girl rebel thing on for size.

Ryan got up off his bed and opened the blinds. The sun was shining, everything seemed perfect. _What a great day for a funeral; really reflects the mood._ Ryan thought bitterly.

He looked out the window and let the tears fall freely.

* * *

"Before I finish my speech, I want to say what a good person Marissa was. She had a huge heart, something hardly any of the people in here do have or ever will. She would have wanted us to move on with our lives, not be sad for the rest of our lives. She told me that. She let you in, and all she ever did was love you, no matter who you were. She was trusting and loved you for who you were, not who you wanted to be. That's what her made her the perfect best friend, friend, daughter, sister and girlfriend." And with that, Summer walked to her seat. Seth put his arm around her and whispered in her ear how good and moving the speech was.

* * *

All his life, Ryan had wanted someone that had faith in him, a family that he could be proud of, and the perfect life. And he had it. Having Marissa in his life made everything a lot better, and nothing would ever replace her. Maybe he'd find someone else, one day. But for now, he was going to move on with his life, accepting the fact that Marissa was gone, but remembering how she was the love of his life, and the girl he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He walked over to the bed and sat down. Marissa gave him strength to move on. He picked up the photo, and whispered goodbye to the picture of a smiling Marissa, walked out into the house, ready to move on, with Marissa guiding the way.

Finish


End file.
